initiation

My mum always told me, among all animals ever poop on earth, rabbit is the most peculiar creature.

One day, when I was around 4, I was having a Jemima’s birthday bash at her house. She wore a cliché princess-like dress –yes, with the tiara. She had a princess-like life: her mommy is really beautiful but fierce, and a daddy that never came home. I don’t like her. But her backyard is so beautiful, I could die there. With oak trees, artificial river, birdbath. And rabbits.

I was stunned of that was my first time I saw a pink, mushy fur-beings that is out of the story book I’ve had in my room. So their ears ARE tall, I’ve always thought they told lies in children books.

That time I don’t care about the jiggling nose or watery eyes they had. Remember, I was 4, mind ya. But I love the tail. That bushy cotton-tail that sprout out the backside. All I wanted to do is to grab it, and so I grab it so hard, it won’t fall off. I don’t remember anything, afterwards. Jemima was crying. I don’t like her.

And so I agree with my mom.

“Rabbit is a sly, Maya.” Said my mum on my bed side, looking exhausted and in pain, but never tired of answering my odd interest on bunnies. She held a red ripped box on her lap. “no-no, not today” she murmured. “no, she is not. No, no, no” over and over again, shaking her head.

“mum, what is that?”, I shouted.

“no, no, NO! Maya go to sleep!” she yelled.

“I wanna see, I wanna see!!!”, I love doing this. I love this scene. I get to play Jemima. It’s always been so easy.

“MOTHER! I WANNA SEE!!!”, I even succeed to add tears to make it more amusing.

“Not today, Rae! Go-to-sleep!”, she slammed the door, out of sight. This is not the first time she called me Rae.

I shed my tears. I never really cry. I was even silent when I was a born. The doctors think I might be muted, but I made my Dad proud of me that time. And the doctors are wrong.