normally

i was born on january. my mum told me it was cold, when she had me. she just knew that i will be hard-hitting girl. they pull me up-side down, slap my butt. i didn't cry. i've said it before.


my childhood is too normal, as my mum always maintain it to be normal. of how i keep missing and always ended up on Wickerwandel Woods, it has become normal. she said i was always misguided by lonely jungle spirits. Everybody needs friend. Everybody needs a person to believe. that's what my mum said.


i remember i always see a quite interesting person (or so-called it) in harlequin suit. at home. at school. at anywhere. it is impossible no one wouldn't see him in that suit. but nobody did.


he did nothing. just stood there. sometimes he juggles four white round circular things, and then dissipated behind trees. or sunset. i would never see him after dark.

initiation

My mum always told me, among all animals ever poop on earth, rabbit is the most peculiar creature.

One day, when I was around 4, I was having a Jemima’s birthday bash at her house. She wore a cliché princess-like dress –yes, with the tiara. She had a princess-like life: her mommy is really beautiful but fierce, and a daddy that never came home. I don’t like her. But her backyard is so beautiful, I could die there. With oak trees, artificial river, birdbath. And rabbits.

I was stunned of that was my first time I saw a pink, mushy fur-beings that is out of the story book I’ve had in my room. So their ears ARE tall, I’ve always thought they told lies in children books.

That time I don’t care about the jiggling nose or watery eyes they had. Remember, I was 4, mind ya. But I love the tail. That bushy cotton-tail that sprout out the backside. All I wanted to do is to grab it, and so I grab it so hard, it won’t fall off. I don’t remember anything, afterwards. Jemima was crying. I don’t like her.

And so I agree with my mom.

“Rabbit is a sly, Maya.” Said my mum on my bed side, looking exhausted and in pain, but never tired of answering my odd interest on bunnies. She held a red ripped box on her lap. “no-no, not today” she murmured. “no, she is not. No, no, no” over and over again, shaking her head.

“mum, what is that?”, I shouted.

“no, no, NO! Maya go to sleep!” she yelled.

“I wanna see, I wanna see!!!”, I love doing this. I love this scene. I get to play Jemima. It’s always been so easy.

“MOTHER! I WANNA SEE!!!”, I even succeed to add tears to make it more amusing.

“Not today, Rae! Go-to-sleep!”, she slammed the door, out of sight. This is not the first time she called me Rae.

I shed my tears. I never really cry. I was even silent when I was a born. The doctors think I might be muted, but I made my Dad proud of me that time. And the doctors are wrong.